About me…
I have only been doing jewelry a short time… I started messing around with beading in early 2013. I quickly realized I had found something that made me feel good. I really enjoyed something about it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it means. And since then, until now, I have come to understand what it really means to me.
Understanding came after recovery was happening… I’ll explain… My short version is that I was in a toxic abusive relationship for 6 1/2 years with someone I deeply loved. (I thought it was anyway) And then, finally it got the best of me… I accepted all the horrible things about me. Everything I’ve ever been beaten down over, became absolute and true. I believed I was worthless, not worth loving, repulsive and that I should be dead…and I hated myself. I couldn’t feel love, joy, worth…. I couldn’t enjoy anything or like anything about myself. Everything was just so painful.
I told my older children what was going on with me. They got me the help I needed… I didn’t know that kind of help there was and what was available to me.
I’m very thankful for so much. Especially my Sons and Daughter in laws… They didn’t let me give up…
I was diagnosed with Mental Illness, PTSD and Depression. I didn’t know you could get PTSD from abuse or even what it was. I had no idea what was wrong with me all this time. But when I started learning and recovering, everything started making sense.
“Of the unfortunate, comes fortunate…”
Diane
So, I was saying before, that I learned what my jewelry really means… and with all I’ve talked about so far, it’s all part of this journey to where I am today.. So here it is…
PTSD collides with my trueness, my true nature. Strikes of terror and panic, no one understands and it keeps me at a distance, an aloneness no one can know, unless they share the same unfortunate illness as well. Conflict happens interiorly and it’s happening, and it’s still happening… self doubt, shifting thoughts and perspective, questioning myself, things that make no sense.. Like my Jewelry.. It’s all over the place. And sometimes it’s just crazy…
Thankfully for me, I found a ways to release and express what is going on inside me. Expressing myself through ART. Expressive Art Is my Therapy… Channeling my inner self through my Jewelry Creations. I now know why I do my Jewelry this way.. It makes sense when things make no sense….
“meaning…we all need meaning in our lives.”
Diane
My heart feels again. Like I can matter. Somehow I press on into being meaningful and living with meaning. I am actually telling my experiences through my Jewelry. I’d like to share this with others who can benefit. A powerful way of expression, meaning, and perhaps a little fun! I know my style is different, and it’s definitely worth look looking at…
Update: June 2017
I can’t believe a year has gone by and how much I’ve gained… I feel wonderful! I want to update this more very soon…